Five Things we Learnt from the England Match

October 14, 2013 in Funny Stuff, International by Matt Harrison

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1)      Score on your debut and the press will hail you as the second coming of Beckham

Andros Townsend had a good game and scored a great goal, sure. But remember kids: Shaun Wright-Phillips also scored a great goal on his debut. England careers are a marathon not a sprint (unless your name is Kevin Davies) and Townsend has many challenges ahead of him this season. Firstly, keeping his place in Spurs team ahead of Nacer Chadli, Erik Lamela and possibly Aaron Lennon. However should he do so he’ll probably find himself on the plane to Brazil and SWP will be cursing his luck. Let’s not get carried away like Clive “He was born in the same hospital as Beckham” Tyldesley.

2)      Danny Welbeck is not a left winger

Look Hodgson, I get it. Since the mid 90’s, being a Man United player has pretty much guaranteed you a place in the England squad no matter how incredibly mediocre you are or, in the case of future Sunderland Captain Tom Cleverley, how incredibly shit you are. Danny Welbeck is barely a striker so to play him on the left wing instead is a case of #headsgone. In the same way that Chris Smalling isn’t a right back and Phil Jones – well I’m not really sure what Phil Jones is. Makes funny faces though.

3)      Daniel Sturridge looks like England’s best striking option for a long time

It’s sometimes hard to like Daniel Sturridge but since his move to Liverpool he has been outstanding. Even better is how good he looks playing with Luis Suarez. This has turned him into looking like England’s best striker in years, perhaps since Rooney first burst onto the scene in 2003. Since then, Crouch, Defoe, Heskey, Vassell and Kevin Davies (lol) have all come and gone. Sturridge looks like the most dangerous, confident and assured striker we’ve had for a long time. If he can keep up his form this season we could go into Brazil with a genuine goal treat (should we qualify).

4)      We don’t need to worry if Ashley Cole is injured

Despite challenging since Terry and Ferdinand left the England set up, the “biggest prick in the England Team” gong has been up for grabs. Many would give it to Ashley Cole but despite his personal life it’s hard to argue against him being one of the few world class players England have had over the last five years. When he won his 100th cap the applause from the crowd was genuine and appreciative of the effort he has always put into the national team. However, last week it was announced that he would be unfit for the Montenegro game yet there was no cries of desperation as Leighton Baines was able to more than adequately fill Cole’s place. It is one of the few positions where we are actually spoilt for choice. Should we go to the World Cup next year we may see Cole retire afterwards thus allowing Baines a good few years at left back in the team.

5)      Lampard and Gerrard still can’t play together

No explanation needed here.