The Best Quotes of The 2012-13 Football Season

May 17, 2013 in Funny Stuff by Kai Kapo

“He is nasty, a traitor. Sometimes I feel people roll out the red carpet for him. So I talk to remind people Joey Barton is a very violent player, far away from the image he tries to give since he joined Marseille.” - Ousmane Dabo seems to have made up with Joey Barton.

“Perhaps I shouldn’t say it, but I’m maybe a little too intelligent to be a footballer.” - Joey Barton’s humble opinion.

“The uneducated Joey Barton is fascinating for the degree of his stupidity, his ego and his megalomania!” - Mikael Silvestre would disagree with Joey Barton, it seems.

“He isn’t in the same stratosphere as the boy Messi and that Ronaldo fella. Stop going on about goals in Brazil league as well. I once scored 77 in one season in the Rainhill and Byrne U-14 league, and that’s a stronger comp.” - Joey Barton on Neymar. Priceless.

Barton

“You’re just a s**t Andy Carroll.” - England fans taunt Sweden’s Zlatan Ibrahimovic - a little too early, perhaps?

“It’s true I don’t know that much about Ligue 1, but Ligue 1 knows who I am.” - The ever modest Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

“We are looking for an apartment (in Paris). If we don’t find anything, then I’ll probably just buy the hotel.” - Zlatan Ibrahimovic again. No explanation needed.

“I am the greatest! Wait, is that even possible? Ok, then I’m the greatest behind [Muhammad] Ali!” - Zlatan Ibrahimovic getting his sports mixed up.

Zlatan

“Clearly he isn’t the top player we wanted, but we needed reinforcements.” - Juventus chief Giuseppe Marotta knew exactly how to motivate incoming Nicklas Bendtner.

“After moving to the Premier League, I’ve realised that I need to limber up and strengthen my body trunk.” - Shinji Kagawa is still getting to grips with the English language.

“I’ve done the lower leagues and it’s a different style of managing. No disrespect but I don’t want to be Swansea boss, either. They probably don’t want me. Aston Villa? What’s the point? What can you do with them? So it’s the Arsenal or nothing and I’m not ready for that.” - Jose Mourinho? Um, no… Tony Adams on why he is not managing at the moment.

“If you kick Ronaldo off the park, then that Real Madrid team is average.” - And this is why Robbie Savage is not managing at the moment.

“Mine was not born in Madeira, he was born on Mars so is not from planet Earth. Therefore he is the best player in the universe.” - Sorry Messi, Jose Mourinho says that Ronaldo the Alien is better than you.

“I don’t want Rooney to leave these shores but if he does, I think he’ll go abroad” - Yes, you are correct, Ian Wright. Well done.

“I look forward to hearing from the silent majority” - How is that going to happen, Mr McLeish?

McLeish

“I feel sorry for Wolves at the moment but not sorry for them” - David Pleat making himself very clear.

“The thing about goal scorers is that they score goals” - Where would we be without Tony Cottee’s valuable contributions?

“I’ve been consistent in patches this season” - Theo Walcott doesn’t quite understand the concept of consistency.

“I have always said the punters do not really care who’s in charge, so long as the team is winning and the points are racking up. You could have Saddam Hussein in charge and if results went well they would be chanting his name.” - Harry Redknapp gives us his thoughts on Rafa Benitez joining Chelsea.

“He’s got such a great leap. It’s like an NFL basketball player.” - Martin Keown has been watching an alternative version of American basketball.

“I hope ppl read this and no am rude and u deserve every abuse I give u fatty go and run on the treadmill like I told u.” - Emmanuel Frimpong giving Piers Morgan a lesson in English on Twitter.

“Why for the life of me have the likes of Pirlo not played in England? Is he homophobic?” - Phil Brown has a very interesting theory.

PhilBrown

“I never understood a word Alex Ferguson was saying. One day I walked into the changing room and he was staring at me. He motioned at me to cut my hair, so I did so later that day. In training the next day he didn’t recognise me. I went past him several times and he didn’t have a clue who I was.” - He’s that Portuguese one, plays for United… what’s his name? Bebe! That’s the one.

“I need to see a doctor! It was absolutely crazy! I can’t explain what happened on the pitch, yet I was a witness to it! Everybody was close to a heart attack at the end!” - It’s all too much for Jurgen Klopp as Dortmund dump Malaga out of the Champions League.

“Galatasaray did not play with 11 men today – they played with 50,000.” - Jose Mourinho exaggerating a little as the Turkish Champions beat his Madrid team.

“Buffon looked like a pensioner. Alaba shot from 120 metres!” - Franz Beckenbauer trying to beat Mourinho in the exaggeration competition.

“Last season Capello didn’t come to see Newcastle when we had the best defensive record up to Christmas. The gaffer went to some event and Capello was there, and he said, ‘You should come up and see Taylor.’ And Capello said, ‘I’m all right for midfielders.’” - Fabio Capello has no idea who Stephen Taylor is.

“I’ve got a plan to stop him: it’s called a machete! Plan B is a machine gun!” - Sir Alex plans to stop Ronaldo with some inspiration from Quentin Tarantino.

Sir Alex

“I didn’t sign Mario Balotelli as a political statement. I signed him because he scored two goals against Germany and made them cry.” - Silvio Berlusconi explaining how Italian politics works.

“Coaching Real Madrid is one of the three things I would never do in football. The other two would be throwing a game and promoting doping.”  - Tito Vilanova ever so subtly displaying his interest in coaching Madrid.

“When I joined Villa I didn’t know where they played. I thought they were a London club! ” - Christian Benteke knew exactly where he was going.

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