Squeaky Bum Time, North London Style

May 17, 2013 in Premier League by Joseph Kingsley-Nyinah

Around this time last year, arguably Tottenham’s biggest game of the season kicked off, and they weren’t taking part.

Around this time last year, Chelsea were winning a European title.

Fast forward to 2013, and here we are again.

Arsenal v Wigan Athletic

On Tuesday, Spurs fans were forced to rely on a Wigan side matching their end of season juju against a team we at Ballsy Banter have started to call “Euro-Wigan”. In all fairness, they were coming into the game as FA Cup winners after toppling the mighty Manchester City, and as Shaun Maloney curled in an equalising free-kick just before half-time, even the most hardened pessimist was beginning to believe.

I would know.

Come Aaron Ramsey’s coup de grace, I changed the channel to a repeat of the Big Bang Theory.

And yesterday, horrible marking in the final minute (sound familiar?) gifted Chelsea their second European trophy in as many years and inflicting That Chant on the Premier League for one more season.


In all honesty, I wouldn’t have rooted for Benfica so hard if I had known that before the game yesterday they’d lost six finals in a row.

Didn’t think I’d ever find bigger chokers than the spine of the Bayern/German team, but there you go.

The cherry on top is the repeated speculation about our best player moving to Real Madrid. Allegedly the Real president has promised Gareth Bale to Ancelotti – something I’m taking with a pinch of salt considering the Italian manager isn’t even employed there yet.


For all of these eerie similarities, there is one key difference: we still have one more game to play. As is always the case on the final day, everyone is playing at the same time. Sky, in their infinite wisdom, have decided to put both Arsenal and Tottenham on live to crank up the drama in the battle for that all-important Champions League spot: this is squeaky bum time, North London style.

I don’t think we’ll do it. I’m not pointing fingers at anyone: I just honestly think our best chance would be if Arsenal being served tainted carbonara for their pre-game meal.

But there’s a chance. Tottenham play a team that hasn’t been that good this season, no matter how much their manager threatens to fine them if they don’t perform. And all Arsenal need to do is drop points. Who have they got?

Alan Pardew

We’re fucked.