The Football Failblog

April 4, 2013 in Funny Stuff

Yesterday, with Juventus 2-0 down in Munich, Paul Pogba won a free-kick with five seconds of stoppage time to go. Every player resembling a barcode stormed towards the Bayern penalty area, as Pirlo, one of the finest strikers of a pass in his generation, stood over the ball…

… And squared it.


That was the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen on a football pitch in a while. Off the pitch, hilarity is ensuing with ever-depressing regularity.

Carlos Tevez was sentenced to 250 hours of community service, a six-month driving ban and got docked an hour’s wages for driving while disqualified and without insurance. Apparently, he pleaded guilty in his mother tongue.

“Mr Tevez, you must realise you are a role model for thousands, if not millions, of fans,” the chairwoman of the bench said. “Nobody is above the law and you should not have been driving. We have heard that you are sorry. And it is now up to you to ensure you will not be brought back to court again.”

At which point, I expect he tilted his head and replied “Que?”

I’d expect a similar reaction to the news that David James is to go and share his myriad knowledge of the goalkeeping position with an Icelandic club. Yes, he’s going out there with his homeboy Hermann Hreidarsson to IBV in Vestmannaeyjar to dispatch his expertise. I’m pretty sure the trainee youth keeper will have better handling, but there you go.

Meanwhile, their old club wastes away. Careful, QPR.

In a link more tenuous than the one between the previous two stories, the French Government are going to be handling most of PSG’s money as they announced that the 75% charge on France’s most wealthy does not exclude football clubs or players.

Unless Zlatan decides to remodel himself as a champion of the French working class, that’s got to be the end of his Parisian love affair. So where to next? Qatar? Russia? Madrid in an attempt to mop up the mess of the inevitable Falcao tug-of-war? Who knows.

And speaking of big strikers up against bigger Spanish teams (so tenuous it’s brittle) Didier Drogba’s feeling the Blues. Or at least, he would be if Jose Mourinho went back, claiming that The Special One will always be special to him.

While not as creepy as Michael Essien calling the Real Madrid manager his “daddy”, it’s up there. And somewhere, Fernando Torres flinches as another nail goes into his metaphorical coffin. And then misses the appointment with his face doctor, because that’s what he does. Misses things.

Which brings us back round to Juve, Pirlo and that free-kick. What a missed opportunity. God.